


Songs to Listen to After Your First Heartbreak

by dangerousblucs



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tyrus - Freeform, also im posting this so long after the ep came out ik but hopefully it fills the hiatus void, cyrus is big sad bc of costume day, its very sad and angsty im sorry, post-3x13, post-costume day, so he listens to music and wears tjs bball hoodie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 13:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18261794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangerousblucs/pseuds/dangerousblucs
Summary: Cyrus presses his face into his pillow, letting the tears fall onto the cotton pillowcase. He had wanted to take his mind off of the situation, but it didn’t work. He’s now fully wallowing in his sadness so he grabs his phone and types the words “heartbreak” into the Spotify search bar. Cyrus smiles sadly when he comes across a playlist titled “songs to listen to after your first heartbreak.” He clicks on it and puts it on shuffle.||When Cyrus gets home after costume day, he curls into a ball on his bed and thinks about what happened. At the same time, he listens to some music to distract him, but it only makes him more sad.





	Songs to Listen to After Your First Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a 3x13 fix-it fic, it's more just an aftermath fic.
> 
> This is my first time writing Tyrus fanfic, so I hope you enjoy! xx

When Cyrus gets home from Costume Day, he runs straight up to his room. He ignores his dad calling after him as he throws himself face down onto his bed. He presses his face into his pillow, letting the reality of what happened today sink in. TJ left him to a costume with Kira. It doesn’t make any sense. TJ had wanted to do a costume with Cyrus. He’s the one who had come up with an idea based off an inside joke between them and asked Cyrus to do it with him. After all of that, Cyrus can’t believe TJ just ditched him, especially for Kira, whom he just met. The image of TJ and Kira standing in front of him in matching costumes keeps flashing in his mind.

Cyrus pulls out his phone. He has a bunch of texts from Buffy and Andi.

_Buffy: Cyrus are you ok?_

_Buffy: How are you holding up after what happened today?_

_Buffy: Cy pls talk to me_

_Andi: Hi_

_Andi: I wanted to ask u about costume day_

_Andi: Why were you going to back out of my costume_

_Andi: Without even telling me??_

There are none from TJ, though. Bitterly, Cyrus thinks that he’s probably off having fun with Kira, still in matching costumes. He exits out of the messages app and opens Spotify. He puts his young and dumb playlist on shuffle. The song that comes on is Fifteen by Taylor Swift. He smiles and taps his foot to the song. He tries his hardest to focus on the lyrics and not think about TJ and it works for a bit.

Then, the lyric “But in your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team” makes Cyrus think about TJ again. TJ, the super-cool, super-scary basketball player who Cyrus only met because of how awful he was to Buffy. That first meeting in the cafeteria, Cyrus could’ve never imagined that he would become friends with TJ. If someone had told him then that they were going to become as close as they have, he would’ve called them crazy. But from then on, TJ made constant efforts to hang out with Cyrus.

It took Cyrus a while to accept that TJ actually wanted to be his friend. TJ seemed too cool to ever want to be friends with someone like Cyrus. Eventually, though, they hung out so much that Cyrus had no choice but to believe it. He didn’t fully understand why TJ wanted to be his friend, but he accepted it, because hanging out with TJ made him incredibly happy. Sometimes, he had more fun hanging out with TJ than he did with Andi and Buffy, because their boy drama could be exhausting. Eventually, TJ was no longer the “scary basketball guy” to Cyrus. He was just TJ, one of Cyrus’s best friends.

The lyric “And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” brings tears to Cyrus’s eyes. He can’t believe that he actually trusted TJ. He trusted that TJ wanted to be his friend. He trusted that TJ wanted to do a matching costume with him. When TJ asked him, Cyrus had briefly thought about the way that the costume might look to their classmates. He’s a young gay kid, so he couldn’t help but consider the repercussions of doing a matching costume with his guy best friend, who also happened to be extremely popular. He didn’t dwell on it for long, though, because TJ was so excited about the idea and didn’t seem to care what others might think. It made up for all the hurt Cyrus had felt when Jonah didn’t want to wear matching jackets with him. Finally, he had someone who wanted to match with him so badly that they weren’t worried about how it might look. Of course TJ changed his mind, though. It made sense that TJ would eventually leave Cyrus for someone better.

Cyrus presses his face into his pillow, letting the tears fall onto the cotton pillowcase. He had wanted to take his mind off of the situation, but it didn’t work. He’s now fully wallowing in his sadness so he grabs his phone and types the words “heartbreak” into the Spotify search bar. Cyrus smiles sadly when he comes across a playlist titled “songs to listen to after your first heartbreak.” He clicks on it and puts it on shuffle. The song “i hate u, i love u” by Gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien comes on. 

At this point, there is no point in trying to keep his mind off of TJ. The boy is all he can think about. He realizes that this is the first time in his life that he’s been this heartbroken. His feelings for TJ were different than his feelings for Jonah had been, mainly because he let them be. He obviously had a huge crush on Jonah, but he never let himself believe that something could happen between them. It was clear that Jonah was straight, so there was never any point. That made seeing him with Andi hurt just a little bit less, because he knew that’s how it was meant to be. Andi got Jonah while Cyrus was stuck pining over his straight best friend. 

Then, TJ came along, and things were different. Cyrus’s feelings for TJ didn’t develop in the same way as they had for Jonah. Once Cyrus had realized he liked Jonah, he looked back and saw how quickly he’d become infatuated. With TJ, though, his feelings took a while to form, and he realized it pretty quickly. Cyrus figured it took so long for him to develop a crush on TJ because he still had a crush on Jonah when they first became friends. Then, that day outside the school, when TJ rapped for Buffy, something changed. He’d already realized that his feelings for Jonah were gone, but it wasn’t until that day that he understood that they were gone because he had started to like TJ. Seeing TJ finally apologize to Buffy, and the care he put into doing it in a way Buffy would accept, instead of just a traditional apology, made Cyrus look at him different. 

After that, he let himself fall harder for TJ. It wasn’t like he could avoid or get rid of his feelings. From doing homework together at the Spoon after school to sleepovers at each other’s houses on the weekends, they were almost always together. As they spent more and more time together, he let himself start to think TJ might like him back. This was encouraged by the fact that most of the time, the hangouts were TJ’s idea. Also, after what happened with TJ’s friends, he started sitting with Cyrus’s friends at lunch every day. Then, when they weren’t hanging out, TJ and Cyrus would text each other constantly. So, the two became practically inseparable. Cyrus was certain that Andi and Buffy noticed, but he didn’t care. He was just happy to have TJ by his side. 

The song comes to an end, and Cyrus realizes he’d started sobbing without noticing. There are tears covering his pillow, and the sobs shook his body as they came out. He tries to wipe his tears but it’s no use; he can’t stop them from falling. 

The song “t-shirt” by gnash, a song Cyrus has never heard, comes on shuffle next. Cyrus curls into a ball and presses his pillow to his face, trying to muffle the anguished sobs leaving his mouth. The line “I gave you love and all you did was leave first” feels like a stab to his heart, and a sob wretches out of him. He shakes uncontrollably, tears drenching his face now. He wraps his arms around his legs, trying in vain to comfort himself.

_It kills me to admit that I still want this bad_  
_And I try to forget all the feelings I had_  
_But each time that I look in my closet, I can't_  
_'Cause I still got your t-shirt, do you want it back?_

That line brings a memory to the forefront of his mind. 

_Cyrus was sitting at the Spoon with Andi, Buffy, and Jonah when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text from TJ that read, “hey cy, just got done with bball practice. wanna hang?” Cyrus smiled and responded, “ofc. i’ll pick you up at the school in 10.” He looked up at his friends._

_“Hey, TJ just texted and wants to hang out. Cool if I leave?” Cyrus asked the group._

_“You’ve been spending a lot of time with TJ lately,” Buffy responded, a knowing smile on her face._

_“Buffy,” Andi spoke, a warning tone to her voice. “You can go, Cy.”_

_“Thanks, see you guys at school tomorrow,” Cyrus said, jumping up and walking out of the restaurant. He started back towards school. When he got there, he saw TJ waiting outside with some of his teammates. Cyrus walked towards them. They greeted Cyrus kindly and said goodbye to TJ, then the two boys walked away from them._

_“How was practice?” Cyrus asked as they walked away._

_“It was exhausting, but good. At one point, Jake tripped and bumped into the coach,” TJ began his story with a smile on his face, looking into Cyrus’s eyes. Unexpectedly, TJ wrapped his arm around Cyrus’s shoulder. Cyrus tensed up for a second, but then relaxed into TJ’s side. “Somehow Jake managed to knock him over, even though Coach is over six feet tall and weighs like 200 pounds. It was hilarious. The rest of us all started laughing, so Coach got upset. Jake was benched for the rest of practice and we had to run suicides for laughing. Now my legs are killing me.”_

_“That sounds like a funny sight,” Cyrus commented, glancing up at TJ for a second. “I’m sorry about your legs, though.”_

_After a few more minutes of walking, they ended up at Cyrus’s house. Cyrus’s step-mom, greeted them from the kitchen as they walked inside._

_“Hey, Sharon,” Cyrus called as they walked towards the kitchen. “TJ is here.”_

_As they walked into the room, Cyrus’s step-mom walked over to them, kissing Cyrus on the cheek and hugging him and then hugging TJ. Sharon spoke to TJ, “Hi, honey. It’s good to see you. Are you staying for dinner?”_

_TJ had been over Cyrus’s house enough to know that when Sharon asked that, it wasn’t a question, but an invitation. TJ had a hard time saying no. “That would be nice, thank you.”_

_“Of course. We love having you here.” Leslie smiled warmly. “Dinner should be ready in an hour.”_

_“Ok, we’re going to go do homework in my room.”_

_When they got up Cyrus’s room they both sat on his bed. Cyrus helped TJ with their math homework for a while, and then they did their other homework separately. By the time Cyrus’s step-mom called them down to dinner, they were done._

_After dinner, they went back up to Cyrus’s room, because Cyrus had asked his dad and step-mom if TJ could sleep over, and they said yes._

_“Do you want to borrow some clothes to sleep in?” Cyrus asked TJ as they walked into his room._

_“Yeah, thanks,” TJ responded. Cyrus went over to his drawer to pull out a shirt and pajama pants. As he did that, TJ pulled his light blue Jefferson basketball hoodie off and threw it on Cyrus’s desk chair._

_TJ went into the bathroom to change and Cyrus changed in his room. When TJ came back in, he stuffed his school clothes in his backpack._

_“So, it’s still early. Do you want to watch a movie before we go to sleep?”_

_“Sounds good,” TJ answered. Cyrus grabbed his laptop and hopped onto his bed, pulling up Netflix. TJ sat down next to him. “Which documentary should we watch tonight, Underdog?”_

_“There’s a new one out about deep sea creatures that looks interesting. You down?” Cyrus asked, and TJ nodded. The best thing about their friendship was that TJ was as into nature and history documentaries as Cyrus. Now, he had someone who was willing to watch them with him so he didn’t have to force Andi and Buffy to do so. Cyrus loaded up the film, and they settled in. Cyrus tried his best to act normal when TJ put his arm around Cyrus after a while. Instead of freaking out, he actually shifted closer to TJ. They looked at each other and smiled for a second, then went back to the film._

_The next morning, Cyrus woke up with his head on TJ’s shoulder. He didn’t remember putting his head there or falling asleep. He shifted to look at TJ’s sleeping face. He smiled, feeling content. After a few moments, TJ’s eyes fluttered open. He made eye contact with Cyrus and smiled._

_“Good morning,” TJ spoke drowsily and yawned. Cyrus smiled at how cute sleepy TJ was. “What time is it?”_

_Cyrus glanced at his phone, “It’s 6:46. We should start getting ready for school.”_

_As they got up and began to get ready, Cyrus felt relieved that they’d woken up early enough that his dad hadn’t come in and woken them. He didn’t want to deal with the questions that would come if they were caught sleeping like that. He knew his parents would be accepting when he told them he was gay, but he didn’t want that to be how they found out._

_Cyrus ended up lending TJ more clothes for him to wear to school, and they walked to school together._

That day, when Cyrus got home from school, he found TJ’s hoodie on his desk chair. He texted TJ to let him know and said he could bring it to school the next day. TJ had told him that he had multiple of those hoodies, so there was no need. He would get it the next time he was at Cyrus’s house. When that time came, though, both boys forgot about the hoodie. Ever since then, the hoodie had lived in Cyrus’s closet. Cyrus may have put it on once or twice, but it was because he didn’t own many hoodies and it was comfortable to lounge around the house or sleep in. The reason wasn’t because it smelled like TJ. Not at all.

Reminiscing on that night, Cyrus stood up and walked to his closet. He pulled the hoodie out and threw it on. Despite how long Cyrus had it, TJ’s scent still lingered on the fabric. Cyrus hugged the hoodie close to himself, then climbed back into bed. He felt dumb for wearing the hoodie, given what TJ had done to him, but he didn’t care. He was sad and missed his best friend, and wearing this hoodie used to provide him comfort. Turns out, the comfort the hoodie provides doesn’t disappear just because he’s mad at TJ. Lying in bed with the hoodie on, he feels safer and more at ease. He’s still crying, but the sobs aren’t as intense as they were before.

Suddenly, he decides that he doesn’t want to be alone. Usually, he would ask TJ to come over, because they’re able to open up to each other in a way he never has with anyone else. Since that’s out of the question, he considers texting one of his other friends. He loves Andi, but he can’t talk to her right now. She’s still mad about costume day, and he doesn’t want to talk to her until he can calmly explain why he did what he did and apologize. He immediately rules out Jonah as an option, because he doesn’t know if he can handle the irony of crying about his current crush to his former crush. He lands on Buffy, the obvious answer. She may be strong-minded, but Cyrus has always been able to open up to and trust her. Especially when it comes to matters of his sexuality and crushes. He grabs his phone and pulls up his conversation with Buffy.

_Cyrus: come over?_

Buffy responds less than a minute later.

_Buffy: be right there_

Twenty minutes later, Cyrus hears a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he calls, his voice quiet and shaky. While waiting for Buffy, he’d continued listening to music and crying. The sleeves and chest of TJ’s hoodie are now covered in tears. The door creaks open and Buffy steps inside. The smile on her face molds into a frown when she sees the state that Cyrus is in. He doesn’t miss her glance at the sweatshirt he’s wearing. 

“Cyrus, are you okay?” She asks, concern evident in her voice. She rushes over the bed and sits next to Cyrus. She pulls him into a hug. “Is this about what happened with TJ?”

Cyrus responds with a nod, but doesn’t speak. Buffy looks down at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I just don’t understand Buffy. It doesn’t make any sense why he would ditch the costume. He seemed so excited about it,” Cyrus’s voice is weak, and interrupted by gulps of breath. “Especially to do a costume with Kira, who he just met. Do you think he has a crush on her?”

“I’m really sorry, Cy. To be honest with you, I haven’t seen TJ with Kira, but I highly doubt he has a crush on her. After watching you two together, I’m pretty sure he feels the same way about you that you do about him.”

“What do you mean?” Cyrus asks, genuinely confused.

“Cyrus, do you like TJ?” Buffy questions, the same gentle and non-judgemental tone to her voice as when she asked if he liked Jonah. 

“Yeah, I do,” Cyrus answers. The difference between this time and the last time is that he is more confident in his sexuality now. He isn’t scared to admit his crush out loud. With a half hearted laugh, Cyrus asks, “Am I that obvious?”

“Kind of. And I just know you too well,” Buffy smiles. Cyrus feels a sense of relief at finally admitting his crush to someone besides himself. It’s nice to not keep it all bottled up inside. “Also, it’s pretty obvious that TJ feels the same way. The way he looks at you and acts around you… It’s different. He’s not like that around anyone else.”

“You know, I used to think that there was a possibility he liked me back. After today, though, I’m not so sure.”

“Just because he likes you doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do something like this. Cy, I know you’re close to TJ, and I know how much he’s changed, but... I can’t help but feel like the part of him that bullied me is still in there somewhere though. Actually, last time, he lashed out at me because he was insecure about his learning disability. Isn’t it possible that he’s feeling insecure about his sexuality or feelings for you, and ditched the costume out of fear?” Buffy finishes talking and Cyrus looks away for a second. He hates when Buffy is right, and this may be one of those situations.

“I… maybe. When he first brought up the idea, I was so happy, but then I did started thinking about what other people might think. I mean, we would’ve been two boys doing matching costumes, separate from all of our friends. I know that could’ve looked weird to some people. But Teej was so excited, and so was I, so I forced myself not to worry too much about it,” Cyrus explained.

“Exactly. And maybe TJ couldn’t get past those thoughts. We both know how insecure he can be about what other people think. You’ve come so far with accepting your sexuality, but we don’t know if TJ is the same. If he likes boys, he might not have fully accepted it yet, or might be afraid of people finding out. You of all people know that we can never really know what is going on inside people’s heads,” Buffy looks into Cyrus’s eyes as she speaks. Tears are still filling his eyes, so he wipes them away with the sleeve of the hoodie. 

“I guess you’re right.”

“Oh, I’m always right,” Buffy smirks. Cyrus rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. 

“Thanks for talking this out with me, Buff. I’m really glad to have you.”

“Anytime,” Buffy speaks, then pauses for a few seconds, seeming to hesitate before speaking her next thought.“Also, I think you should talk to TJ. He might have a good explanation for why he did what he did. I know that when the gun thing happened, I told you to shut him out, but I don’t think that’s a good idea this time. I don’t think TJ would have hurt you like this without a reason. He cares about you too much. Take your time to heal, but then hear him out, and then decide whether the friendship is worth saving.”

“I really don’t feel like ever talking to him again right now, but you make some good points. I’m going to give it a few days, then consider talking to him.” Cyrus replies. It would be so much easier to ignore TJ forever, but he knows that’s not what he wants. Also, he needs an explanation for his own peace of mind. “You feel like sleeping over? I miss our sleepovers, and I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Sure. Want to invite Andi?” Buffy asks. Cyrus considers saying no. He's not in the mood to face Andi’s anger towards him, but he could really use both of his best friends right now. He also owes Andi an apology.

“Good idea! GHC sleepover!” Cyrus tries to sound enthusiastic, but his heart still feels heavy. “Let me text her. She was texting me earlier about Mount Rushmore, and I never responded.” 

A few hours later, Cyrus is curled on the couch with his two best friends, watching a movie that Buffy picked. The tears stopped hours ago, and the movie helped him get TJ off his mind, but he’s still wearing TJ’s hoodie. He leans his head on Andi’s shoulder, feeling the beginnings of happiness coming back to him. 

Maybe his first heartbreak doesn’t need to mean the end of the world. Not if he has the two best friends anyone could ask for.


End file.
